Today, a year ago, I went to lunch with my friends, then to the dollar store, then to the hospital.
One year ago today, I lost our lil peanut. And while it is a day of remembrance- I am not overly sad. I am blessed to have Bubbles now.
God knew what he was doing. There was something about Peanut that couldn't have made it to the outside world. The experience was traumatic, painful, and scary. I felt like I had done something wrong. I felt... insufficient. Other people blamed the fact I was still breastfeeding my daughter. It was a hard few weeks for me, and probably just as hard a few weeks for a friend who found out she was pregnant just as I found out I wasn't.
I can't believe a year has gone so fast. It feels like moments ago. The time between Peanut and Bubbles felt like an eternity at the time- yet here I am- looking back, and realizing it was just a blink.
What an amazing year it has been. Now I wait for my son to be born- and that is coming FAST. I am so thankful for him. I am so thankful for Cookies. I am so thankful for Peanut. Peanut allowed me to understand something I couldn't have understood without going through it.
4 comments:
Im sorry for your loss. I cant imagine your pain. I am glad you have Bubbles and Cookie though and that you learned something from a painful moment.
Thinking of you and your little Peanut today. I know how hard it is. Please know that it is ABSOLUTELY NOT YOUR FAULT. Because, if it's your fault, then all of us miscarriage survivors caused our babies to die and that's not fair and I refuse to take blame for that. Sending you good, tight, warm hugs.
I know the old saying, "Everything happens for a reason" is incredibly cliche, but I really believe it's true. I can't wait to "meet" Bubbles!
Reaching out to give you a huge hug.
That is all.
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