I think she's lovely

I'm a bit biased- but the kid ain't hard to look at.

Learning to let go

This weekend marked a LOT of firsts for my kidlets.



Bubbles tasted some oh so sinful ice cream (More the residue of it than the ice cream itself), had his first hike, went to his first baseball game, his first amusement park and his first time meeting his uncle.



Cookies had several firsts too. Her first hot dog AT a baseball game (there is something special about that),went on her first REAL hike, went to her first amusement park... wore shorts for the first time that day (What can I say? The girl loves dresses. We had to have a LONG talk about how a dress wouldn't be safe), and for the first time in her life... She rode rides alone. She went with her bestest friends on the rides- but without Mommy. Talk about a lesson for me in letting go. None of them were over the top- in fact, even if she had wanted me to go, my hind end wouldn't have fit in them anyhow. Gotta love toddler rides. She grew up just a little bit more that day, which made it just a bit harder for me not to cry while we walked around the park with our wonderful friends.

I had a few firsts myself at that park. As I said above, I let Cookies play without me. I stood up to a punk kid who frankly scared the ever living crap out of me- but it was for a friend. If I weren't afraid of him killing me, I would have done more. Stupid little thief. I hope something of his gets stolen in front of his face.
But the biggest step for me? Saying something I really didn't want to say. You see, this dear friend of mine is getting ready to bravely move across the country to be closer to her family. I don't blame her- because I would do the same. I am blessed with a similar relationship to my mom as she has to hers- and I can't imagine living as far away from her as she does from her mom. It is a big and scary move. A move that at the moment, has a lot of blanks to be filled in. But I know she will do it- and like everything she does, she will do it well and with grace.
So when the tears started as we thought about not seeing each other's kiddos for a long time- all I wanted to say was "Please PLEASE don't go. You're my only friend here. You're the only one who I feel like I can be me with, that I trust with my kids- and love that they call you Auntie. I don't want you to go"... But those are selfish reasons. So instead, I told her the truth. If we are the only reason to stay, it isn't a good enough reason. Her mom and siblings are more important that we will ever be. Feeling loved, having help, a home, a church... Those things are more important than being at birthday parties. We will find ways to visit- even if it is only once a year- because to me, she's family. The sister from another mother. It was a lesson in letting go a bit for me that day. She needs to be where she will be happy.

Yep- that's my mom

My mom? Coolest daredevil I know. That's her. Riding the Hydrofoil. She's the number one Amateur female in the country this year. Not bad for a grandma- eh?

Clumped

Don't you just love when you are clumped? When you had nothing to do with a situation- in fact, you made a conscious effort to stay out of it, and yet you get clumped into the side that was involved, because the person knows you are closer to one than the other? It is sad that is happens. And the person who ends up hurt in the end? The one who had nothing to do with it in the first place.

My sister who has gone MIA has stopped talking to me. She stopped talking to me as soon as she ran away from home, right after Christmas. She hasn't even recognized Bubbles is in existence. She didn't call on Cookie's birthday- and after Cookies broke her wrist- nothing. I would be fine if she just ignored me- but she has tossed my kids too. And why? Because my mom and I are the close ones, and the rift is between them. It isn't an issue between she and I- although it has become one because of the choices she made. I never said I didn't love her, or even that I was mad at her. But she's pissed because I didn't pursue her. Excuse me? You're the one who took off. Not me. I refuse to play those games. And now she is about to graduate high school. I wanted to be there- but I won't. She sent us an invitation- but it was just that. Breaks my heart. I love her very much. She's my baby sister, and for a long time the one I thought I would be closest to when we all became adults. My heart is wounded- but still open to her. I sent her a letter to let her know that, so now the ball is in her court. She knows where she can reach me.

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On another Note:




Today is Bum and My 3rd Anniversary. Our wedding day was wonderful. I was probably the most relaxed Bride you will ever meet. I watched Veggie Tales while everyone got ready- and even when my flowers came and were completely screwed up, I wasn't going to let it ruin my day. Bum and I would be the only ones who would notice (that is until people saw the FERN that was supposed to be our cake... Damn florist... Note to those yet to be married... Hire a Pro).



Bum and I giggled and whispered through the whole ceremony- it was a blast.


No one really danced at our reception- but we had a jumping castle, a trampoline and a tire swing. I never got to taste the food we spent months planning, but we had fun. And when the day was done, we trotted off to the hotel and our wedding night, where we both promptly fell asleep. So much for consummating our marriage!

Today, I bought him his own Bible. We have been sharing a while, and I would like to do a study with him without having to share. He bought me a pattern drafting set of tools. I am so excited to learn how to try them. And tonight? We will go to dinner with the kiddos, come home- and most likely? Promptly fall asleep.

It's important for Mommy

Since I spend so much time behind the lens, I tend to forget how important it is for my kids to have pictures of them with their mommy. Next Sunday is Mother's day- and the best gift I could give myself was to surrender my beloved camera to Bum for a few minutes. I don't like the way I look- but it is me, with my babies. He doesn't understand Manual- but is too stubborn to let me put it in an auto mode for him, so I had to doctor these quite a bit.
We even attempted a family shot- with just a timer and without a tripod... Not so hot, but with the simple addition of a remote and tripod it could improve.