I'll have to do 100 things now.
Today is my attempt to walk Bubbles into 3cm. It is snowing and I am insane, but I have to go to Joann. I also want a yummy salad, so I am taking Cookies to Sweet Tomatoes.
Not too fun to go out alone-- but I don't want to drag anyone else out in this weather (it's snowing).
I am feeling a wee bit lonely today, not sure why, so I am going to try and get up and move around a bit.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
a
Another 2 am. She tries so hard to go to sleep. I hope she isn't sick.
I hate money. I hate taxes. I hate that school cost so much and knowing I will probably never get to go back because we will be paying forever. I hate knowing that I can do nothing about our finances. I hate this point in pregnancy where I worry about everything. I know deep down it will be okay.
Cook a little more Bubbles-- then you are getting an eviction notice.
I hate money. I hate taxes. I hate that school cost so much and knowing I will probably never get to go back because we will be paying forever. I hate knowing that I can do nothing about our finances. I hate this point in pregnancy where I worry about everything. I know deep down it will be okay.
Cook a little more Bubbles-- then you are getting an eviction notice.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
bleck
General feeling for the day. Cookies fell asleep at 8:15, Bum at 8:30- I was so excited to have a few minutes of ME time. I got a chance to talk to a friend- and while most of it was tear filled, it was nice to sit and talk to her without having to get up and tend to things other than my pea sized bladder.
Then 10 rolled around. I heard bitty footsteps above my head, then suddenly a set of hand pulling on my shirt. At least she knows where to find me if I am not in bed. So I said goodbye to my friend, and took her upstairs...
12am... she still can't fall back asleep. She was being wonderful and trying- but every time I would get up to go to bed, there she was on my heels. Hours of sitting on the hard floor is hard on a pregnant body. Finally at around 12:45 she fell asleep. I literally crawled to bed and couldn't sleep because my pelvis hurt so bad-- but I stayed up there in case she woke up. I gave up the fight at about 3:15 and grabbed a book. Poor Bum had a hard hard day at work and needed to sleep. Not that I don't- but he doesn't do so hot on no sleep. I just cry more than usual- he turns into a butthead. So I sat in the bathroom and read.
Then Cookies woke up at 7. I sure hope she naps well today. I won't get one cause Lil Miss doesn't nap anymore, but at least it would be nice to have one kiddo in a good mood.
Nice way to top off a rough evening.
Then 10 rolled around. I heard bitty footsteps above my head, then suddenly a set of hand pulling on my shirt. At least she knows where to find me if I am not in bed. So I said goodbye to my friend, and took her upstairs...
12am... she still can't fall back asleep. She was being wonderful and trying- but every time I would get up to go to bed, there she was on my heels. Hours of sitting on the hard floor is hard on a pregnant body. Finally at around 12:45 she fell asleep. I literally crawled to bed and couldn't sleep because my pelvis hurt so bad-- but I stayed up there in case she woke up. I gave up the fight at about 3:15 and grabbed a book. Poor Bum had a hard hard day at work and needed to sleep. Not that I don't- but he doesn't do so hot on no sleep. I just cry more than usual- he turns into a butthead. So I sat in the bathroom and read.
Then Cookies woke up at 7. I sure hope she naps well today. I won't get one cause Lil Miss doesn't nap anymore, but at least it would be nice to have one kiddo in a good mood.
Nice way to top off a rough evening.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Yet another plug for Girl
Cause she did my maternities... And she made me feel gorgeous. Not easy for a person who struggles with self image.
My Belly
We had an appointment yesterday. To this point I have gained a total of 28lbs. That is literally HALF of what I gained with Cookies. WOW. Hopefully all of it and more will come off this time.
I am 2cm dilated (Nice to know all these damn BH's are doing SOMETHING), soft and slightly effaced. Bet you wanted to know all the details of my inner workings- didn't you?
Cookies LOVED this Dr. We had never met her before, yet Cookies walked over, handed her a cookie and wanted to hold her hand the whole appointment. I can't help but hope she is the one to deliver Bubbles. She even asked if I wanted Cookies there-- and suggested that we should have her there as long as she didn't get scared. That rocked my world. How many Doctors invite an almost 2 year old to run around a room for hours??
-----------------
I have been having the kookiest dreams lately. Most involving my friend who is invited to the birth and how the Dr's thought I was just the surrogate mom- or how I couldn't hold Bubbles till she could get there- things like that, cause I am CRRRRAZY. Only a couple bad ones so far, and lots and lots of how how might look. More than finding out the sex, discovering what they look like is the best part for me. Whose nose, whose ears, how much hair, is it curly or straight?
Cookies had long dark brown curls when she was born. It took less than 24 hours to turn into chicken fuzz (love it) and for all the nurses to adopt her as their favorite toy doll for hair styles. With in a week it had a hint of red, then by 5 months it had mostly fallen out only to be replaced with gorgeous blonde curls. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Boy are we in trouble.
I can't wait to meet him. Will he be a spit fire like his sister? You know- she can scale the entertainment center that is 6' tall. She loves to see people happy- but she isn't afraid to pull out a can of whoop ass if she needs to. Will he be a good sleeper? Cookies sure isn't. Will he be a peanut or a moose? What color hair will he have?
I am so excited- but I am trying also to embrace these last days of just me and my girl. These last days that he is mine and mine alone. There are less of them than more. I am somewhere between terrified and excited.
My Belly
We had an appointment yesterday. To this point I have gained a total of 28lbs. That is literally HALF of what I gained with Cookies. WOW. Hopefully all of it and more will come off this time.
I am 2cm dilated (Nice to know all these damn BH's are doing SOMETHING), soft and slightly effaced. Bet you wanted to know all the details of my inner workings- didn't you?
Cookies LOVED this Dr. We had never met her before, yet Cookies walked over, handed her a cookie and wanted to hold her hand the whole appointment. I can't help but hope she is the one to deliver Bubbles. She even asked if I wanted Cookies there-- and suggested that we should have her there as long as she didn't get scared. That rocked my world. How many Doctors invite an almost 2 year old to run around a room for hours??
-----------------
I have been having the kookiest dreams lately. Most involving my friend who is invited to the birth and how the Dr's thought I was just the surrogate mom- or how I couldn't hold Bubbles till she could get there- things like that, cause I am CRRRRAZY. Only a couple bad ones so far, and lots and lots of how how might look. More than finding out the sex, discovering what they look like is the best part for me. Whose nose, whose ears, how much hair, is it curly or straight?
Cookies had long dark brown curls when she was born. It took less than 24 hours to turn into chicken fuzz (love it) and for all the nurses to adopt her as their favorite toy doll for hair styles. With in a week it had a hint of red, then by 5 months it had mostly fallen out only to be replaced with gorgeous blonde curls. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Boy are we in trouble.
I can't wait to meet him. Will he be a spit fire like his sister? You know- she can scale the entertainment center that is 6' tall. She loves to see people happy- but she isn't afraid to pull out a can of whoop ass if she needs to. Will he be a good sleeper? Cookies sure isn't. Will he be a peanut or a moose? What color hair will he have?
I am so excited- but I am trying also to embrace these last days of just me and my girl. These last days that he is mine and mine alone. There are less of them than more. I am somewhere between terrified and excited.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
It shouldn't make me so sad
My BIL isn't talking to me. I didn't do anything... I don't think I did at least. I got a good chuckle the other day about something going on with him- but only because we have been in his shoes, and it was ironic that he was now in the same situation. He didn't even know about my chuckle.
I called him last night to ask him about his fiance- I would like to get her something for Christmas, but I don't know ANYTHING about her. We have never spoken, never met, anything like that. I don't even know if she likes to cook or not. He didn't answer, so I left a message. No call back. I texted him, nothing. He texted Bum instead.
It hurt my feelings. We used to be great friends. He lived with us for most of my first pregnancy- and although lazy- was a nice friend to have around. We used to talk on the phone, he would call me if he needed to talk, but slowly, he stopped calling. Now he doesn't talk to me? It is stupid- but it hurts.
I called him last night to ask him about his fiance- I would like to get her something for Christmas, but I don't know ANYTHING about her. We have never spoken, never met, anything like that. I don't even know if she likes to cook or not. He didn't answer, so I left a message. No call back. I texted him, nothing. He texted Bum instead.
It hurt my feelings. We used to be great friends. He lived with us for most of my first pregnancy- and although lazy- was a nice friend to have around. We used to talk on the phone, he would call me if he needed to talk, but slowly, he stopped calling. Now he doesn't talk to me? It is stupid- but it hurts.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
New Babies!
Baby Blake and Baby Carter are here! Congratulations Mommas! Your boys are perfect and beautiful!
By the way- did you realize they both weighed almost the exact same at birth? How cool is that?
By the way- did you realize they both weighed almost the exact same at birth? How cool is that?
Friday, November 2, 2007
Total WCP
I was inundated with "I think ________ is hot" this evening.
Girl... My mom thinks Buns is hot. "Not at all hard to look at" she says. My mom. I can't help but laugh- cause it is my mom. My response to her? Yep- there isn't a single member of that family who isn't easy on the eyes.
Kami... My husband thinks you are hot. I think the pirate costume (not to mention red wig) did it for him.
Andria... We are both thoroughly impressed with you overdue hotness. Seriously woman, you look fabulous.
My sister wants to sleep with Dane Cook.
My other sister thinks people who I have never heard of are hot.
I got probably 10 phone calls tonight. 7 of them involved some form of conversation about someone being hot. Reminds me of high school. LOL!
Girl... My mom thinks Buns is hot. "Not at all hard to look at" she says. My mom. I can't help but laugh- cause it is my mom. My response to her? Yep- there isn't a single member of that family who isn't easy on the eyes.
Kami... My husband thinks you are hot. I think the pirate costume (not to mention red wig) did it for him.
Andria... We are both thoroughly impressed with you overdue hotness. Seriously woman, you look fabulous.
My sister wants to sleep with Dane Cook.
My other sister thinks people who I have never heard of are hot.
I got probably 10 phone calls tonight. 7 of them involved some form of conversation about someone being hot. Reminds me of high school. LOL!
Yep- it is gone
Brain has been eaten. At least it is going to a good cause. Bubbles needs it more than I do.
It is obvious to me that it is gone- because, well, things that don't normally bother me are. My conscious is guiltier than usual, I have this driving need to have my friends be "okay" with me- and even if they are, it feels like they aren't. I am having full on melt downs about things that really aren't even issues. Money is at the forefront- we are okay. We aren't starving (I am, but I blame the bottomless pit--lol), we pay all of our bills and even have a little extra left over- but we are paupers in a million dollar neighborhood, and it is easy for Bum and myself to get caught up in not being "equal" with our neighbors.
Funk or no funk- we are extremely blessed, and I am doing my best to remember that. I am blessed to have the support of not only my husband, but friends as well. I am blessed to be able to create things for my daughter. I am blessed to be pregnant- the list goes on- and I try to remind myself of that every day.
While I haven't done anything remarkably stupid yet (i.e. leaving the the stove on or running the faucet all day), DAMN I feel stupid. Good thing Cookies likes me no matter what I say, at least for the next few months.
It is obvious to me that it is gone- because, well, things that don't normally bother me are. My conscious is guiltier than usual, I have this driving need to have my friends be "okay" with me- and even if they are, it feels like they aren't. I am having full on melt downs about things that really aren't even issues. Money is at the forefront- we are okay. We aren't starving (I am, but I blame the bottomless pit--lol), we pay all of our bills and even have a little extra left over- but we are paupers in a million dollar neighborhood, and it is easy for Bum and myself to get caught up in not being "equal" with our neighbors.
Funk or no funk- we are extremely blessed, and I am doing my best to remember that. I am blessed to have the support of not only my husband, but friends as well. I am blessed to be able to create things for my daughter. I am blessed to be pregnant- the list goes on- and I try to remind myself of that every day.
While I haven't done anything remarkably stupid yet (i.e. leaving the the stove on or running the faucet all day), DAMN I feel stupid. Good thing Cookies likes me no matter what I say, at least for the next few months.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Meet Dorothy
Cookies on her first Halloween outing. Last year she was only 10 months old and it was snowing. Mommy and Daddy didn't want candy THAT bad.
I had FOUR people ask if she was little red riding hood. The cape is BLUE people- wtf? Oh, not to mention the ruby slippers. People are blind sometimes to the obvious.
This year, she was spent after about 10 houses. Kinda bums me out because I was looking forward to the loot- but it is better for my waistline anyhow.
I am no longer sleeping at night. As soon as I get up to pee- that is the end of sleep for me. My daughter is restless, and my husband grinds his teeth like he is munching on carrots. As a result- I say even stupider things than usual, am emotionally shredded, and physically exhausted. Coffee doesn't even help anymore. So while I feel good- I don't. Not necessarily in a sad kind of way- but like I can NEVER feel rest. You are supposed to be able to come home and have a peace there that you cannot find elsewhere-- I don't have that. I feel worse here that I do other places. How saddening. Makes me want to rent a hotel room just so I can get a friggin break. Whine, whine whine whine.
I am sorry ahead of time if I offend anyone or say something idiotic over the next several weeks. My brain has been eaten- and I am more or less a zombie. Time to just stay out of people's hair.
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