I get so wrapped up in the negativity in my mind sometimes. I trash myself quite well- both in the way I look and the things I do. If I ever feel accomplished in anything I make sure to tear that good feeling down quickly. Not sure why I do it- maybe I am trying to stay humble, but I think that is the wrong way to do it.
So today I'm trying to figure out how to stay humble while building myself up at the same time. We are given gifts for a reason- to embrace them. I don't think we are glorifying the One who gave them to us by beating ourselves to death. I want it to be perfect ever time- but I'll never achieve perfect. It doesn't mean what I do do is crap- and that is hard for me to remember.
I am hopeful that when I can look in the mirror and find some affection for the person I see that some of my creativity will come back. I feel like it has been sucked out of me. I never used to have to look to others for ideas, it came from within. Now I feel like it is missing- and all I can do is stare at other's work with envy. Not the way things should work.
Maybe sleep will help- maybe spring. I just feel sapped- not really sad. I find so much inspiration in my kids, I just need it to be lit on fire again.
1 comment:
I could have written your post, word-for-word. I know exactly where you're coming from and I struggle in the same way. I think it doesn't help that I haven't sleep in a year. I don't have the energy to use my gifts or find my creativity, and I want it back.
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